


12 reasons hinata shouyou's roommate is the fucking worst

by dzesi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Didn't Know They Were Dating, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Height Differences, Lack of Communication, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Oblivious Hinata Shouyou, Roommates, denial is not just a river in egypt, idiots to lovers, lowercase fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:34:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dzesi/pseuds/dzesi
Summary: hinata's roommate kageyama is tall, quiet (too quiet?), clean, perfect and super good-looking—which totally sucks.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 18
Kudos: 114
Collections: Kagehina Exchange





	12 reasons hinata shouyou's roommate is the fucking worst

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amiicee_Lokei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amiicee_Lokei/gifts).



> for Amiicee_Lokei! i hope you enjoy this silly fic—i had a lot of fun writing it! <3

hinata shouyou’s roommate is the fucking worst. 

yeah, yeah, he knows that beggars can’t be choosers, and that roommate situations are basically always at least a _little_ dicey, but hinata's roommate really takes the cake.

if you’re anything like _any_ of hinata’s friends and family, you’re probably wondering how this guy can be so bad, anyway. is he disgusting? does he leave garbage everywhere and steal money and kick puppies, or what? 

nobody seems to believe hinata when he explains that it’s actually worse than all of those things put together. well, maybe not the puppies; kicking puppies is pretty awful—but that hasn’t stopped him from compiling a list.

**12 REASONS WHY HINATA SHOUYOU’S ROOMMATE IS THE FUCKING WORST:**

**_1\. he’s too tall_ **

they’ve got the good luck (or misfortune, if you’re the less vertically endowed roommate in the household) to live in a place with ample storage, but a lot of it is a little… lofty. so hinata tries to keep his most-used items in lower places, and only very occasionally has to ask kageyama to get something down for him—and only after he’s spent a good deal of time standing on his toes to reach, or already slipped off a piece of furniture, because the last thing he wants is his stupid tall roommate to look down on him anymore than he already literally does.

this is why it takes a while to be absolutely certain, once hinata eventually comes to the conclusion, that kageyama is using his height specifically to fuck with him.

kageyama’s pretty tidy, so it’s not surprising that he tries to clean up behind hinata even before he’s done using whatever it is, but hinata starts to notice something funny about where his things go when kageyama puts them away. 

specifically, they go _up._

“i’m not being tall at you, dumbass,” kageyama grumbles when hinata tries to call him out on it (“bakageyama! quit hiding my stuff!”).

“i can’t help it if your little baby arms can’t reach up here,” he continues with a yawn, reaching high and patting the shelf where he’s just stashed hinata’s favorite dish towel. “why don’t you just use that record-breaking jump you’re so proud of, if you’re so worried about reaching the top shelf?”

so hinata does. he forgets his tippy-toes and forgets clambering onto things and starts just jumping straight up to grab his things. honestly, he’s surprised he never really thought of it—it feels a bit weird to do his big _BAM_ jump at home, just so he doesn’t have to ask kageyama to grab something for him, but still—it works pretty well. and kageyama seems a little disappointed about it, too, which is even better.

unfortunately, kageyama’s being “a little disappointed” is nothing compared to the quiet judgement they both start getting from their neighbors about the thumping. it gets so bad, they even get a _note!_

 _“kindly refrain from thumping on the floor during quiet hours,”_ hinata reads out loud. “oops.”

“guess you’re just gonna have to go back to asking me for help again,” kageyama shrugs, looking smug.

**_2\. he’s too perfect_ **

honestly, he has a lot to be smug about! he’s _really_ good at volleyball, for instance. 

kageyama somehow loves volleyball almost as much as hinata does. which is remarkable, because hinata’s love for volleyball is barely even human in the first place. so that part is actually pretty nice, having somebody around who likes to practice as often as he wants.

it’s almost creepy, actually, how well they sync up. it’s like they can read each other’s minds, and hinata absolutely doesn’t want kageyama reading his mind, because when he’s not thinking about volleyball, he has a really bad habit of noticing how good-looking his roommate is. which brings us to:

**_3\. he’s super good-looking, which totally sucks_ **

it’s very distracting, for one. his eyes are entirely too blue! like, unreasonably blue. movie-star blue. it’s hard to look directly into them, because they’re so terribly, disconcertingly blue, but you can’t look anywhere else, either, because his hair is dark and smooth and silky—it tries to flop down into his face whenever he isn’t brushing it off to the sides in his silly little center part—and when he’s not frowning, his face is almost _pretty_. and you can’t look below his face, either, because the rest of his body is even worse!

also, since they live together and haven’t murdered each other yet, they tend to do mostly everything together. it’s always very pleasant AND very convenient, which is annoying, especially because, the whole time, kageyama insists on being so tall and broad-shouldered and offensively handsome (like a complete asshole), so hinata often finds himself spending their time together trying not to actively sulk and/or deliberately picking fights just to rile him up… which brings us to another terrible thing:

**_4\. he’s polite (kinda)_ **

kageyama _humors_ him! 

when hinata picks fights, kageyama fights back like he’s having _fun_ , and then when hinata’s sulking up a storm at his irreproachably acceptable roommate, said beautiful roommate just challenges hinata’s sour face to a world-championship frown-off until they both crack into angry-faced giggles. 

sometimes kageyama even gets this smug little look on his face, like he’s _proud of himself_ for being able to make hinata laugh (as if he could ever do it on purpose!). 

he also has a really handy skill of making people think he’s being more polite than he is (which is a very useful counterpoint to hinata’s bad habit of seeming a lot more obnoxious than he’s really trying to be.) ****

in fact, just in general, it can be said that kageyama definitely _seems_ like he’s a really great person (and roommate), but that in no way prevents him from actually being the worst and constantly ruining hinata’s life by always making the same boring curry when he cooks them dinner and stomping around basically naked in the mornings or before bed or if it’s especially warm that day—or after he showers, which… 

**_5\. his hygiene is a bit of an issue_ **

kageyama’s always doing shitty roommate things like getting out of the shower and wandering around with just a towel slung low around his hips for way too long, showing off his perfect abs and strong back and nice, spiky hipbones (and that fascinating little trail of dark hair leading off somewhere that’s absolutely none of hinata’s business whatsoever). 

and then he has the gall to lean in toward the mirror to look at himself and make dumb shaving faces, even though he doesn’t even _have_ any facial hair to shave? making his jawline even sharper? extremely not okay.

he also takes very, very particular care of his hands, which has the result of making hinata _pay attention_ to kageyama’s hands, just, altogether too much. sometimes he can’t even seem to stop himself from staring at them. they’re very long and pale, is the thing—maybe even spidery?—and not even a little bit beautiful… even if they are probably extremely soft, thanks to his frequent home manicure treatments. 

“it’s because i’m a setter, dumbass... my hands are the most important! get your own hand cream, if you want to try some so bad,” kageyama scoffs at hinata one day as he lingers nearby, sneaking whiffs of the cool, fresh scent of the lotion he massages into his hands after he’s meticulously filed each of his nails down into a smooth round edge just shy of his fingertip. 

“i don’t even want to try it, smelly-yama!” hinata bluffs, feeling his cheeks go pink at being caught. “it just smells weird, is all.”

actually, smells are a whole other thing. they might just deserve their own category:

**_6\. he smells too nice (it’s weird)_ **

kageyama’s laundry always smells really, really good, too. even when they do laundry together, and share the same machines and the same detergent… there’s just something about _kageyama’s_ clothes that always seem to smell just a little bit nicer than hinata’s. he can’t explain it—nor can he remember exactly how he figured it out—but ever since he noticed, he can’t quit thinking about it. which is why he, on occasion, has been known to accidentally wind up with, say, one of kageyama’s sweaters, for example. 

for the sake of argument, you could even say he winds up with that old, cream-colored one that’s kageyama’s all-time favorite. now, it’s possible that if hinata were to pick a less well-loved sweater, he might be able get away with it a little longer… but the temptation is sometimes just too great to bear, so every now and then, he may or may not slip it into his own laundry, just so he can put it on whenever kageyama is out of the apartment.

kageyama’s sweater is way too big for him. (this is most probably because _kageyama himself_ is way too big.) the bottom edge falls halfway down hinata’s thighs, long enough to hide his boxers entirely, and the sleeves are so long they droop and flap a full hand-length below his own hands, but all of that only makes it comfier. it’s worn-in but not quite threadbare, and it makes hinata mad how good it smells, which is why he keeps ~~stealing~~ borrowing it and wearing it, so he can tuck his face into the collar and sniff it over and over again to try to figure out why that scent—like everything else about his horrible roommate—keeps getting under his skin and making him feel so crazy. maybe he’s allergic.

but nothing is weirder than the time kageyama comes home and finds hinata—who is lounging around the kitchen in his stolen sweater, one sleeve rolled up to his elbow so he can use his hand to stir a pot on the stove and the other sleeve long and floppy to use as a hot pad to hold the handle—and all kageyama does is pull his eyebrows together and scrunch his mouth sideways and let him get away with it.

hinata figures it’s just because he’s cooking their dinner and kageyama doesn’t want to yell until after he’s been fed, but he doesn’t even call him out once they sit down to eat. strangely enough, kageyama doesn’t seem to even really want to look at him at all, just mumbles a “thanks,” and chows down, all the while looking an increasingly familiar combination of frowny and kinda sweaty. 

**_7\. he’s quiet (too quiet?)_ **

kageyama’s moods seem to toggle between yelling and not yelling, but when he’s not yelling, kageyama is admittedly pretty quiet most of the time (which is actually kind of nice in a roommate). and hinata has even picked up on the fact that when he’s not saying anything, it’s usually not because he’s stewing or mad or anything; when kageyama is quiet, it’s mostly because he’s listening to hinata’s super important thoughts about something or other, or there’s just a silent volleyball game happening inside his brain.

either way, kageyama never makes hinata feel dumb, despite his penchant for using “dumbass” as a term of endearment. it would be nice to think this is because he’s capable of being kind and considerate, but it seems a lot more likely that it’s just because kageyama—like hinata—is not necessarily the brightest… tool, in the… well, you get the picture. 

so at least neither of them are bossypants know-it-alls, which is definitely a mercy sometimes. 

but it does make hinata feel weird on occasion, when he’s really building up a head of steam talking about something he’s really excited about (okay, yes, it’s probably volleyball; it’s usually volleyball) and he keeps waiting for kageyama to jump in and agree or tell him he’s wrong but instead he glances over to find him just. glaring? (but softly. softly glaring at him?) it’s all very confusing—which is why it’s almost better when kageyama’s just yelling, instead. 

**_8\. he can fall asleep anywhere_ **

the floor. upside down in a chair. halfway into his own bed. hinata’s lap. hinata’s bed. it’s possible hinata may have buried the lede a little here, because now that he thinks about it, the absolute worst thing about kageyama, worse than all the others put together, is that he’s actually in hinata’s bed _right now_ , fast asleep and making dumb little sleep noises while hinata types up his list on his phone and tries not to breathe.

see, kageyama used to sleepwalk around like a clumsy giant, knocking things over like a jerk, but it was hard to stay mad whenever hinata would find him snoozing away someplace ridiculous in the mornings, curled up in the bathtub or lying on top of some shoes like a big sleepy cat. or, say for instance, on the floor right next to hinata’s bed, which got so weird hinata finally just rolled over to one side and told him to get in so they could get some rest. and it worked: they slept great, actually—”best sleep of my life,” kageyama had yawned that first morning—and he never seems to sleepwalk, either, if he’s already there. 

it’s turned into a very bewildering situation, because while he’s never outright asked whether it’s okay that he sleeps in hinata’s bed several nights a week, hinata’s never kicked him out, either? they just... keep doing it?

so, yes, it’s annoying that he can fall asleep anywhere, but it’s especially horrible that he can fall asleep here, so warm and close to hinata that he can feel kageyama’s breath on his shoulder as he lightly snores, because when he snuggles in closer, it makes hinata feel like he’s having a heart attack, and if he dies and can’t play anymore volleyball just because stupid kageyama won’t stop hugging him like a teddy bear, he’s gonna be so fucking pissed.

**_9\. he gives hinata stomachaches_ **

lately, almost everything about kageyama makes hinata’s stomach hurt. (again—maybe an allergy or something? he needs to look into this.) it’s an awful fluttery-gurgly feeling that gets worse the closer they are together, and by the time they’re in bed, and kageyama’s curled into hinata’s side and already out like a light, hinata feels like he’s actually gonna puke. 

he hasn’t puked yet, which is lucky. ironically, one of the only things that seems to help with the horrible panicky-pukey feeling is the nice way kageyama smells. if hinata tips his head to the side, he can stick his nose in kageyama’s hair… and if he inhales super slow and deep—really breathes him in—he feels a little better, for some reason. and if he goes ahead and gets his whole face in there, rubbing his lips against soft, silky black hair that smells like shampoo and whatever it is that makes kageyama smell like _kageyama_ , and finds that he feels even a little better still? he’s not going to question it. he just doesn’t wanna throw up in bed!

because, if he’s being honest, it really is pretty comfy, sleeping like this—even if it is more than a little mortifying, to spend so many nights literally _snuggling_ with his roommate—whom he still hates, by the way—just because they both seem to sleep so much better that way.

**_10\. he’s a shitty communicator_ **

one such morning, when hinata wakes up, he’s lying in kageyama’s arms, head pillowed between his shoulder and his chest. it’s unreasonably comfortable. he opens his eyes to find kageyama’s face, barely inches away, staring at him with a soft, halfway-familiar, entirely terrifying smile on his face. hinata’s stomach lurches and he closes his eyes again so he doesn’t have to look, which makes the dry, barely-there brush of something warm against his lips even more surprising.

hinata’s eyes fly open and kageyama stammers. “i—i’m sorry, i know you probably wanted it to be more special…! i meant to wait, you—you just looked so cute, i—”

“...more… what? were you waiting for something? what are you talking about?” (hinata’s totally lost, but he interrupts anyway.)

“i don’t know, dumbass!” kageyama puts as much distance as he can between their faces without disentangling the rest of them. “ _you’re_ the one who's never kissed me, i just thought you must have been, i don’t know, waiting for—” 

“i’m the one who—why would i—”

“why would you? what?” kageyama is sounding increasingly strangled.

hinata’s stomach turns upside down, inside out. “k—kiss you?” 

he’s totally gonna puke. and now kageyama looks like he might, too.

“yes? i’m… i’m your boyfriend? i just figured you weren’t ready, or just weren’t... into… kissing… or something, i don’t… _oh, fuck.”_

“b...boyfriend?” hinata says slowly. he can’t shake the feeling that there’s something huge they’re both missing, here.

kageyama’s face has gone from panicked to nauseous to dead. 

“did i never… say that?”

suddenly a rapid-fire montage flashes before hinata’s eyes, just like in an anime. all the times he caught kageyama doing that weird soft smile at him. all the times they went out to dinner together, or cooked together, or curled up together to watch something on tv; all the late-night volleyball practices where they whooped and cheered about their successes, and he would jump into kageyama’s arms to get spun around, beaming into his face. the whole sweater thing. the stomachaches when they get close that only get better when they get even closer than that, when they’re pressed as close together as they can get. 

“huh,” hinata muses. then he grabs the back of kageyama’s head and smashes their faces together.

**_11\. his morning breath is gross_ **

it takes them a moment to get everything lined up correctly, but then kageyama sucks hinata’s bottom lip in between his teeth and hinata just fucking melts into him, surprising them both with the breathy little moan that slides out of his mouth. 

then kageyama takes the opportunity to roll them more equally onto their sides and when his big hands slide down hinata’s back, their bodies already know to arch into one another, how to interlock their thighs and cling to each other, squeezing shoulderblades, grabbing asses like they’ve been waiting for permission and can finally get away with it. 

hinata’s panting into kageyama’s mouth when he first feels a hard, telltale heat against the front of his pajama pants and it takes his breath away, makes his head spin. he licks deeper into kageyama’s mouth, feeling hot and needy and a little frantic, wanting to feel him, smell him, taste him all over. 

then he pulls his face away, wrinkling his nose. “ew.”

kageyama frowns, but doesn’t let go of hinata’s butt where he’s been kneading it. “ew? what do you mean, ew?”

“i _mean, ‘ew,_ your breath is awful,’ nasty-yama!”

“so’s yours, dumbass!” kageyama sticks out his tongue and hinata can’t flinch away quickly enough to avoid a lick right to the nose. 

“eurgh,” hinata grumbles, even as he slides his hands down to kageyama’s waist, still rolling his hips against him. 

kageyama mouths into his ear, making hinata shiver. “well? does that mean you want me to get up and brush my teeth right now?” 

hinata thinks about it over another deep, messy kiss. and then one more, for good measure, and then he sucks down kageyama’s jaw toward his neck, and kageyama lets out a broken little mewl so cute it almost makes him cry, and he can’t possibly let go, not even for fresh breath. 

“nah,” he says, feeling for the elastic of kageyama’s waistband and earning himself a quiet gasp. “it’s fine as long as we’re both gross together.”

**_12\. he makes it impossible to get anything done_ **

the last bad thing about having kageyama as a roommate is, once they finally start making out properly and get their hands into each others’ pants, it gets really hard to do anything else. i mean, who wants to do dishes when you can be doing sex stuff instead? 

it gets a lot harder to get out of bed in the morning, too… there’s a lot less awkward rolling over and scuttling off to the bathroom to deal with certain morning conditions alone and a lot more mutually beneficial arrangements. 

and cooking gets tricky, too, when kageyama—who always liked to try a taste of whatever hinata was cooking, anyway—now only accepts samples if hinata hand-feeds him bites or lets him kiss the sauce right off his lips. 

he’s a nuisance! unfortunately, hinata’s hardly any better, because no sooner does kageyama sit down with a laptop or a book than hinata clambers right into his lap wearing a big smile and not a lot else. he can’t help it—kageyama has _always_ been unfairly handsome, and now that hinata can actually _do_ something about it, how’s he supposed to help himself?

they’re both still shit when it comes to saying things out loud, but after getting on the same page with the whole “boyfriends” thing, communication in general gets a lot easier. 

but kageyama’s still altogether too tall and quiet and perfect. he still tries to flirt by putting hinata’s shit up too high on shelves because he thinks it’s cute when he gets mad about it. and he still smells amazing—it’s just now, hinata can wear his sweaters without all the sneaking around. they still fight, too, but mostly just for fun… and the stomachaches have been replaced with an embarrassing warm feeling that’s too big for a name.

all in all, kageyama’s kind of more of a so-so roommate. he sucks, but he might not be the worst in the whole world. 

on the other hand, though? it turns out he’s actually a pretty okay boyfriend.


End file.
